Intimacy – Day 17 Of The Love Dare

Intimacy – Day 17 of the love dare, how marriage is designed to be the most intimate of all human relationships – emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

Day 17 – Love Promotes Intimacy

He who covers an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends ~ Proverbs 17:9

THE DARE – begin building emotional intimacy with your mate. Determine today to guard your mates secrets, unless they are dangerous to them or to you, and pray for them. Talk with your spouse and listen with acceptance, opening up to them as well. Make them feel safe.

Nothing rivals the closeness that can be experienced between a husband and wife. Marriage is designed to be the most intimate of all human relationships – emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

We long for a best friend with whom we can share our hearts. A safe loyal companion who gets us, understanding who we are. Someone who knows our deepest secrets and yet still accepts us in spite of them. Intimacy is described as being “fully known and fully loved.”

Someone who knows us can wound us in ways we may never recover from.

But sadly, many marriages lack the intimacy that God desires between a man and his wife. For this great blessing is also the site of its greatest danger. Someone who knows us this intimately can either love us at great depths we never imagined, or can wound us in ways we may never recover from.

What are you experiencing the most in your home right now? Are you open books, or more like closed vaults? How much do you two really talk? How much do you trust each other with your secrets? Would your mate say you make them feel safe, or scared? Especially if you wounded one another in the past, you will tend to be guarded and hide from intimacy.

Your mate should not feel pressured to be perfect in order to receive your attention and approval. He or she should not walk on eggshells in the very place where they ought to feel the most comfortable in their bare feet.

Feeling misunderstood and unloved is the opposite of intimacy

Admittedly, this is tender territory. Marriage has unloaded another person’s sinfulness and baggage into your life, and yours into theirs. Both of you may feel misunderstood and unloved, which is the opposite of intimacy.

Some secrets may need correcting. Therefore, you can be an agent of compassion and healing, not by lecturing or criticizing, but by listening in love and then gently speaking truth when they feel safe enough to receive it from you.

Some secrets need accepting. They are part of this persons history. And tho unpleasant, these issues always require a gentle touch. You alone wield the power either to reject your spouse because of what you know or to welcome them in. They will either know they are in a refuge of safety where they are free to make mistakes, or they will recoil into themselves and be lost.

We, as imperfect people, reach out to our spouse in grace, accepting them for who they are and assuring them their friendship and secrets are safe with us.

Listen to your spouse with compassion – accept them – love them deeply

You must begin to rebuild slowly. To stop avoiding them and start talking. To listen compassionately, accept them more genuinely, and then love them more deeply.

The reality of intimacy always takes time to develop, especially after being compromised. But it is worth the endless treasures found beneath its guarded lock. Your loving commitment to reestablishing it may be the key to opening it – for anyone willing to take the dare.